Drew Turning 2

Maybe this is another example of how you really can chose to make the best of wherever you are.  A year ago, we were upset we couldn’t have him home.  But once we accepted that we couldn’t, we made plans to celebrate anyway,  despite, or maybe IN spite of, our situation.   That attitude kind of turned into our motto last year. And the reason we could say goodbye with no regrets.  Why we can say that we didn’t allow cancer take anything from us.  We may have had to do life differently than we wanted to last year, but we continued to live.  We may have had to adjust our plans, but we didn’t cancel them.  It may not have been the way we wanted to celebrate his birthday, but we celebrated anyway.  And if you look at these pictures, couldn’t the setting be anywhere?  At a bounce place, in a bowling alley, in our home…the same little brother enjoying bugging his sister, the same songs sung, the same family celebrating life together:

God’s purpose for all the treatment last year obviously wasn’t to cure him.  We thought it was, but it must not have been.  Because God doesn’t make mistakes, He doesn’t lose.  No, He had a different agenda than we did.  One that I know has only begun to be realized.  Each day Drew was with us was for a reason, and maybe the day of this make shift birthday party was to show that it is possible to still live life during the worst circumstances. Through His strength and wisdom, you can choose joy.

Its no secret by now that this week I’ve been struggling.  Struggling to be thankful and choose joy.  But I guess with enough encouraging from others, I’m cutting myself some slack.  Not being so hard on myself during this week leading up to what should have been my son’s third birthday.  After all, it’s not even been three months since he died.  Some days I still can’t believe this all really happened to us.  That that stubborn ear infection was really Stage 4 cancer.  I can’t believe all the treatment he, and we in turn, endured. Can’t believe all the horrors that I saw.  And that he died from it, he actually died.  I really had a son, and now he’s gone.  All in less than a year’s time.   But these pictures, and all of them from last year, prove it is possible to chose joy instead of worry, fear, frustration, anger or despair.  That God really can carry you through anything.  And it gives me hope that we can carry on from here.  We are scarred, our hearts are broken, and we may have tears streaming down our faces, but we can still choose to go on, in spite of cancer.  To live life, embrace the good that is still in the world.  And live in anticipation of the day we all can be together again. 

The Bible tells us that “the day of one’s death is better than the day of one’s birth” (Ecclesiastes 7:1).  I’ll remember that as I think of the joy we had on that day 3 years ago, and know that January 19th was so much better of a day in Drew’s life.  We may not believe that yet, but someday we’ll know it to be true.  When we each experience that great celebration as our life ends on this earth and we are born into eternity.  As we enter through those gates of Heaven, leaving this world behind, taking in the full glory of God, we will understand that verse.  And no doubt be greeted by the happiest little boy, with wide open arms!


I feel like I’m getting to the point where I’ve cried enough.  I’ve gotten it out, and I’m ready to just celebrate him, all that he was, that he IS, and all that is still happening on this earth because of him.  Through our actions, in our hearts, and in the hearts of all of you who knew him.  Our plans for the weekend are to be together as our little family.  Stay at a hotel tomorrow night, swim at the pool, and then on Saturday, his birthday, go to the Mall of America and use 3 of the 4 amusement park passes we’ve had since last fall.  Drew would have loved those plans.  And we’ll do what birthdays are for–celebrating the life of who’s birthday it is.  Celebrate the time we had with Drew.  The joy he brought to our lives.  The memories we will always have with us of the not quite 3 years we were lucky enough to have him.  He was a gift, not only to us I’m learning, but to everyone.  We wish we’d had him for longer, but we’ll treasure the time we had, and thank God for it.

I would love for anyone who has an “I wear Gold for Drew” shirt to wear it on Saturday, or if you don’t have one, to celebrate him in your own way.  I’d love to pictures, upload them in the comments, tag me in them on facebook, txt/email them to me, because it really helps to see the support.  And now we know that Drew can see it all too.  He can see how many people are glad that he was born 3 years ago, and are remembering him since he went back to be with God.