Drawing from Drew

Lately I’ve been struggling with the things I feel were unfinished.  Frustrated because I feel like I put so much effort towards a cause that wasn’t ever realized.  That I put in work, to not get what I expected in return. Because for almost 3 years when we worked to bring an infant baby into a little boy, and it seems like…

This week I went to put together a picture collage of my two children in their patriotic gear.  I am kind of nuts about dressing kids (okay, cats too) for holidays, so I knew I had some good ones.  I found the one where Drew was tiny, just a few months old.  Then the next…

I took Molly into the dentist earlier this week.  Just a routine cleaning, didn’t think much of it beyond something we had to do that day.  Molly was excited, and did great!  Chatted with the hygienist, followed instructions, easy-peasy.  Then when the dentist came in, he confirmed she has her first cavity.  Bummer, but not…

The last few days there have been huge clouds floating slowly by overhead.  Such big, billowing clouds moving fast enough you could see they were moving, but slow enough to watch in awe. I have watched them thinking they are so impressive.  Drew would have thought these were so cool, I thought as they floated by.  I…

The last few days I’ve continued to think about the past.  The choices we made, and how things turned out.  I really don’t think it’s about regret.  There’s nothing we regret.  At the time, with the information we had, we did do what we thought was best.  It really didn’t even seem like it would…

I’m starting another row again, and it’s a rocky one.  I knew what was coming up to think about, to process from last year.  It was about now a year ago we were presented with research and statistics showing how much promise completing tandem transplants, two transplants back to back instead of just one, would provide towards curing Drew. …

Through the Grace and Spirit of God, I feel my speech went well last night.  I was fairly calm, and felt confident that Drew and God had this, and they’d help me bring their story into St Augustine’s sanctuary.  Even though I know the few mistakes I made, and would have liked to not have my…

Yesterday, Molly was fussing about the “sticky goop” left on her knee after she took a Band-Aid off as pulled out of the Walmart parking lot.  I told her we’d have to scrub it off later, when we were home.  Then I remembered, I probably had those adhesive removing wipes from our dressing change supplies for…

There has been a lot of life in these last couple weeks.  I think I need to take some time to share about it, since I talked about them before and never followed up!  Molly had a wonderful preschool graduation.  It was a hard day, but I did try to get all my sad tears…

The half marathon I’ve been training for, the MedCity half, is on Sunday.  I’ve spend many miles and hours running, preparing for the race.  It’s been a very effective outlet for my emotions.  A great way to clear my head.  On days I couldn’t cry anymore, or didn’t want to, I ran.  It gave me a goal to…

Tonight Molly graduates from Preschool. A class she’s been in for actually a year and half, since she started in the KPrep class in the middle of last year when Drew was diagnosed.  Her teacher and that classroom have been a part of her life as long has cancer has.  And this week we close…

The Death and Dying Resident seminar I was asked to be a part of was a very powerful afternoon.  As I guess it should have been.  It turned out, I was there as one of five families on the panel who unfortunately have lost a child.  And we all had such different stories, our children representing unique…

Josh and I were asked to be a part of a parent panel for a “Death and Dying” symposium for Residents at Mayo this week.  The young doctors in Pediatric Medicine will be learning about end of life care, and they thought we would be a great resource to these doctors as part of the panel to explain how it…

Drew’s big surgery was on this day, a year ago.  Our families were there with us, and we waved to Drew as they wheeled him back, praying with so many that it would be successful and go well.  It was one time we really were faced with the seriousness of what we were up against.  Things could…

There wasn’t much time to settle back in from vacation before got right back into it!   Tuesday Molly and I made a trip to Rochester to deliver more Warrior Wagons, this time to the downtown Clinic.  I had planned on going by myself when Molly was at school, but this time when she heard I…

Last week, Josh and I were on a wonderful vacation, a cruise out of Florida to the Bahamas.  When Josh brought it up a couple of months ago I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.  How could I ever enjoy myself?  How could I miss Molly in the short term, on top of missing Drew…

I had a dream Tuesday night.  Drew was in my lap on the couch, I must have been reading him a book.  I looked over and he was just staring at my face. You know how kids do that?  Instead of looking at the pages they watch your lips, your expressions?  I caught him doing that. …

As I go about my days sometimes, I get a strange Deja Vu feeling, but in reverse or something.  Like I stop and have to remember what I’m doing, where I am, where my son is.  Almost feeling panicked like I lost him, or my mind.  It’ll happen at random times and places, I feel…

I mentioned before that I was choosing to reflect on Jesus and all that Lent teaches us during this season as I’ve been experiencing the loss of Drew.  I decided that the living without Drew was enough of a challenge to tackle during Lent this year, but I would turn to the Father for comfort…

The spring is starting to come.  The snow is gone.  The grass is starting to become green again.  Josh noted that the trees are even starting to have buds.  It’s an exciting time as we experience our first few warm days with the sunshine bringing everything back to life.  And as the seasons begin to…