A New Week

Well after last week being such a tough week, I feel like, at least so far, this week God has given me a break from the flood of emotions.  We’ve been busy it feels like, and it’s been good. 

First off, last Friday, Warrior Wagons, Inc. was born!  The paperwork was filed and we got our certificate making us an official Non Profit Organization.  We’re pretty excited about this first step!  We know Drew would be all about the cause, spreading love and joy to other Warriors like him.

We have a meeting tomorrow morning with an accountant to make sure we set up the books right from the beginning and can qualify with the IRS to become a 5013C organization qualifying for the tax exemption option to our donors.  Then Thursday I’m meeting with Child Life at St Mary’s to discuss the distribution and logistics of the wagons.  We are looking forward to the day when we give our first wagon to a family, when we start to give back after so long being the recipients.

I’ve made more progress on his room this week too.  I really would like to get to a point where I feel like it’s put together and I like it.  One of the bookshelves I got I’ve filled with all the kids books.  I’ve used his John Deere equipment as book ends, and I really like how it turned out!  We also have a nice John Deere quilt we received as a gift, and I’m glad I’ve found a place to display it.  I finished off the shelves with a couple pictures of no doubt the best day of Drew’s life–when he got to drive a real combine (the corn one, not the bean one!  Drew was very specific) and a tractor, ride in a fire truck, and eat at Pizza Ranch with all of his friends as we got told we were going to Disney World (probably one of the best afternoons of my life as well).  Here’s some pictures of the book shelf.

I think Drew would like it.  And I’m glad to find a place for the machinery.  I’m still working on the wall where I will have his name, the hand prints, the sign, his picture, and a shelf with special items.  Hopefully that’s next and I love it just as much!

Molly had her first swimming lesson at the Y on Saturday.  I’m so glad that she’s able to get back into activities again.  Last year when this all started with Drew she had been in dance for about 2 weeks.  With our uncertain schedule and everything last year, we ended up pulling her out of it, and haven’t gotten back into anything yet this school year.  She loved it!

Josh’s parents came on Saturday as well, his dad helped him work on his car.  Deb and Molly and I had a nice afternoon chatting and playing games.  It was nice to show them some of the new things around the house and to talk with them in person.  We never want to take for granted time with family! Here’s Molly and Grandma Becker.

I do feel like I’m making progress in the my grief journey.  Although last week I felt at times I was moving backwards, I now see that actually I probably am moving through.  And some of the feelings I move through will be harder than others, but that doesn’t mean I’m not making progress.  Reliving the drama of last year I’m realizing is part of what I need to do fully grasp and appreciate all that Drew overcame and his strength throughout his treatment.  It also is important so I can be able to move forward.  So even if it’s hard, and I’d rather forget some of the details, I feel like I must face what we tried to look through all last year.  So hang in there with me!  And keep praying for us.

Overall, I’ve seen how much grief really effects you physically. I thought it was mostly a heart thing, feelings.  But I am seeing how much your whole body gets involved.  At the very beginning I was so thirsty all the time, which I thought was weird.  Now I’m reading in a grief book that dry mouth can be a side affect of grief.  I mentioned before the post-partum feelings I’ve had–hormonal issues, anxiety and those still throw me off some days.  Sleep hasn’t really been as big of an issue for me as it seems like it is to so many, something to be thankful for!  But my face has gotten quite broken out again (I’ve struggled with acne forever it seems like), and also notice how tired I am at the end of the day sometimes, even if I haven’t done much!  I guess it just takes a lot of energy and focus to function right now, so I shouldn’t be surprised I’m more tired than usual.  I also have found how much I need and enjoy the time I have alone while Molly’s at school.  I try to not schedule anything during the morning, and have liked to be alone.  Running, writing, reading, or just running errands by myself.  I am usually quite social I’d say, so this is a new thing for me–to enjoy being by myself!

So I’m sure there will be many more emotionally charged posts, but for now we’ve been enjoying the mild weather again, and trying to also enjoy life like we know Drew would want us to!

~Heidi